Though the writing is vapid and immature, the book manages to challenge both traditional gender roles and the sanctity of heterosexual marriage. Additionally, lines like “Goodnight cow jumping over the moon” make it clear that Brown, business partner of Susan B. Anthony and confidant of Saddam Hussein, does not support our troops.
It should also be noted that Twain, who invented cancer and hates puppies, is not even using his real name. Samuel Clemens, wherever you’re hiding, if you have any integrity, you will appear on my show and defend your irrational and unpatriotic beliefs. As little as $1 a month ($12 a year!) goes a long way towards supporting our editorial staff and contributors while keeping us ad-free. Become a McSweeney’s Internet Tendency patron today.
In between orchestrating the French Revolution with Robespierre and badmouthing President Bush with the Dixie Chicks, French author Madeleine L’Engle wrote A Wrinkle in Time, which centers on a fatherless and troublesome 13-year-old girl, Meg Murry. Obviously, L’Engle is implying that single mothers need welfare to properly raise their children. Meg’s mother, a beautiful scientist, represents one of the approximately 24 billion welfare recipients in America, who purposely have as many illegitimate children as possible, so they can sit at home collecting welfare and watching Oprah, eating chocolate bars and being pregnant.
Charles Dickens, in frequent correspondence with both Michael Moore and Ivan the Terrible, wrote this book with the sole purpose of undermining the capitalist spirit of Christmas. Dickens portrays the patriotic and enterprising Ebenezer Scrooge as a wicked man in need of reform. He further advances the liberal agenda by advocating free health care for Tiny Tim and suggesting that poverty is the result of something other than laziness and stupidity.
According to a reliable source, Norman Bridwell, a close personal friend of Karl Marx and adviser to Pol Pot, was a card-carrying member of the American Communist Party. The metaphor is obvious: a big red canine teaches children the importance of sharing and working together. (While cleverly ignoring the consequences of such un-American behavior.)
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