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Chances are, when you first adopted your dog, you imagined a future when you and your puppy spent as much time together as possible. Whether chasing balls at the park or cuddling on the couch, you thought youd be best pals. Instead, you find yourself wondering why your dog isnt affectionate toward you and trying to figure out if it is you or your dog that is the problem here.
Arent dogs supposed to be mans best friend? And if so, why doesnt yours seem to want to be very physically close to you?
How To Teach Your Dog To Cuddle
With the background information out of the way, let’s take a closer look at the steps you can take to make cuddling more appealing to your pup.
When trying to convince your dog to cuddle with you, make sure that you choose a moment that is conducive for cuddling.
This is particularly important in the beginning when teaching your dog that cuddling is a good thing that they should look forward to and seek out.
Forcing your dog to cuddle when they are not in the mood can easily turn them off to the whole concept of cuddling.
If, while you are trying to convince them to cuddle, they resist over and over and over again, it may just be that they are not in the mood and you should try again at a different time.
What you’re looking for is the right combination of their desire to have physical contact with you and also a low energy status.
The right time depends a great deal on your particular dog. Late at night when your dog is sleepy may be a good time, but many dogs do not want to cuddle when they sleep and some don’t want to sleep in the same bed with their humans at all.
Just make sure that you are paying attention both to their desire to be touched and also their energy in order to find the sweet spot for cuddle time. You’ll also want to consider the environment and avoid any smells your dog may not enjoy. That includes things like artificial fragrances, incense, and other aromas.
This may seem obvious, but I’ve seen so many people lose control of their dog simply because they didn’t come to the situation with the right energy.
Dogs are extremely in tune with our emotions, picking up on our feelings even when we may not be consciously demonstrating them.
This means you won’t be able to hide your feelings from them. If you’re angry or energetic or frustrated, they’ll be able to tell, and they may decide “yeah, now’s not the time to fall asleep in her lap.”
Be happy but relaxed, calm but not sleepy. Use a low, slow voice when you speak. Just generally be your best stereotype of a hippie and your dog will probably love it.
Remember, your goal needs to be “how do I get my dog to want to cuddle with me,” not “how can I get something from my dog that they don’t want to do.”
You can’t force intimacy, so you need to build that up by constantly communicating with your dog. That means picking up on their cues even more than you expect them to pick up on yours.
If your dog doesn’t want to cuddle, don’t make them! If they want to play, fine, let them. If they want to play with you, it’s up to you whether or not you want to engage with them.
After all, you’re in the mood to cuddle, not to play.
Recognize that your dog is constantly putting out signals that you can recognize that will help you better understand their mood, their wants, and their dislikes.
Once you unlock those lines of communication, working towards a common goal becomes much simpler.
If you’re struggling with this step, I highly recommend Dr. Ian Dunbar’s book on Dog Behavior. He’s an expert at identifying dog behaviors and explaining how to interpret them, and his book is packed with helpful information that can help you communicate cuddle time with your dog.
Don’t expect them to take the little spoon position once you do convince them to try to cuddle.
Start small, just with an occasional pet or scratch while they sit or lay near you.
Many dogs don’t like prolonged contact at first, but most dogs like a good scratch behind the ears.
By starting small with the occasional pet and scratch, you get them used to hanging out with you while getting some physical relief.
You may even find that they start inching closer for more themselves.
Why do dogs like to cuddle?
“Dogs cuddle to get warmth, bond with their family members or pack, and because it releases chemicals and hormones that make them feel good,” Bernal says.
When dogs cuddle with us, their brains release the feel-good hormone oxytocin, “which reinforces their desire and enjoyment of touch and bonding,” she adds.
The desire to cuddle is rooted in dog domestication — dogs have evolved to be with humans — but it also has to do with a more fundamental evolutionary desire to be in social groups with other dogs.
“Dogs in the wild and young puppies often cuddle with their littermates and mother as a way of bonding and showing subordination,” Chyrle Bonk, a veterinarian at Hepper, tells Inverse.
“When your dog cuddles with you, they’re showing their complete trust and love in your relationship,” Bonk adds.
“Dogs are pack animals by nature, so touch and affection are a strong love language,” Bernal explains further.
But cuddles can mean very different things to dogs than humans, she adds. It can even lead to another typical dog behavior: Zoomies.
“For some dogs, especially those who are younger and learning to play, cuddling can be a way of engagement that excites them, leading to a period of hyperactivity or those classic zoomies around your home,” Bernal adds.
Cuddling can also turn into aggression if another person is nearby and the dog feels protective of their pet parent.
Please pay attention to your dog’s body language to assess whether and how they want to be cuddled (more on that below).
How to teach your dog the cuddle trick
You might have expected that once you had a dog, you two would be head over heels for each other.