The client was very distressed. She said they had their dog, Dawn for close to three years and that the Dawn has hated her husband for almost that entire time. She described Dawn as growling as soon as her husband pulled into the garage, and then Dawn would bark at the husband when he entered the house. After a few minutes, Dawn would finally slink off into a bedroom and avoid her husband. The clients were at their wits end and not sure they could continue living with a dog who seemed to hate the husband.
They also shared that they had attempted to build a bond between her and the husband by enrolling Dawn in a training class. That is typically a great idea. Taking a dog to a training class that relies on reward based training so the dog has a great time learning can build a wonderful bond between dog and handler. Unfortunately they enrolled Dawn in a training class that used outdated punitive methods of training. The husband was instructed to pull forcefully on the leash and collar anytime Dawn wanted to explore on a walk, or anytime she appeared confused about what she was asked to do. One research study found that dogs trained with punitive methods like this showed more fearful body language when their handlers were present (See below for resources). The unfortunate fallout of using punitive methods is a dog who associates those unpleasant experiences with their owners or handlers.
I learned from my new client they had very little history about Dawn other than she appeared to come from a difficult environment. They adopted her at about six months of age from a local animal shelter. She was emaciated and had a tick disease so she needed medical care when they first adopted her. There was certainly the possibility she did not have a lot of exposure or pleasant positive exposure to men in her life.
Once I explained my summary of the problem the clients were on board to try and minimize any further punishment of Dawn by the husband. Instead they focused on building positive associations to the husband. First they brought her general anxiety down by using a collar infused with Dog Appeasing Pheromone. This type of collar is shown to reduce anxiety for some dogs. Then the wife started to give Dawn treats every time the husband came home. The goal was to turn Dawn’s expectation into a positive one when the husband arrived home. We wanted Dawn to think “dad’s home” = “I get chicken.” We also reviewed common body language that makes anxious dogs feel threatened, like petting them on the head and looking directly in the eyes. The husband began to pet Dawn under her chin and waited for Dawn to come to him and solicit attention. Dawn soon had her head in his lap and was enjoying a chin scratch and a snack and was well on her way to enjoying her time around her “dad.”
Why Your Dog Loves You Best
Your dog’s choice to bond primarily with you is not surprising. Though some dogs can be affectionate and loving with a variety of people, others will form an attachment to only one or two individuals. I have this type of relationship with my Pug, Willy. He enjoys other people, but when he’s given a choice, I’m the one he wants to be with.
Sometimes, however, this type of extreme devotion can stem from anxiety rather than affection. Fear can cause a dog to avoid certain people and cling to others. This may be the case in your situation: Your dog may be more timid with your husband than she is with you because of fears she developed before you adopted her.
Dogs may react fearfully to certain people because of the way they were socialized as puppies. Your dog may be uncomfortable with your husband because she was not exposed to many men as a puppy, or maybe she wasn’t exposed to men who look like your husband. Men can be frightening because of their appearance: They are typically bigger and taller and have deeper voices than women. Details like beards and glasses can also unsettle a dog who is not used to them.
Your dog may be picking up on other, more subtle factors in her interactions with your husband, such as the way he approaches her. My husband, Ben, and I were recently at a friend’s house; to my surprise, my friend’s dog reacted fearfully to Ben, who was leaning forward in his chair with his arms resting on his legs, looking at the dog. Ben was trying to be friendly, but his posture and direct eye contact were apparently perceived as a threat by the dog. When Ben adopted a more neutral position — turned slightly to the side and looking away — the dog’s reaction changed. Your dog may be reacting to similar unintentional cues from your husband.
It is also possible that a difference in the way you and your husband discipline your dog is affecting her interactions with him. If you rely on positive reinforcement to get your dog to behave and your husband uses punishment, this may cause your dog to be nervous around him or avoid him all together. It is important to take a consistent approach to training and discipline, and I always recommend positive reinforcement training over punishment or confrontation-based training.
Why Do Some Dogs Fear Men?
When people discover that a dog is afraid of men, they often attribute the fear to a bad experience. However, there are a variety of reasons why your dog may fear men in general or only those that are not part of its immediate family.
Fearful Dog scared of your husband, partner, or visitors?
Among the many fears and phobias dogs may develop, fear of men can surely put a dent in the dogs overall quality of life as this can be a source of constant stress. After all, unlike other fears, this one can be quite challenging to avoid, unless the dog is led to live a lonely, secluded life in complete isolation.
Most likely, the fearful dog will meet men on walks, at the vets office, or even, more disturbingly (from the dogs perspective) in the house whether the man is over for repairs or as a guest.
We know that avoidance will not teach the dog anything, but at the same time, we know that exposure causes the fear to pop its ugly head. So whats left to do?
We all wished there were quick fixes to make dog fears and phobias fade away, but unfortunately, changing behavior and its associated emotions takes time, especially since certain behaviors dogs engage in when facing their fears are quite reinforcing. Dogs commonly face their fears in two ways: by hiding or acting defensively.
Hiding is a highly reinforcing behavior as the dog feels immense relief when he moves away from the trigger. The sensation must feel similar to a person with a fear of flying when he or she decides last minute to refuse to board the plane. You can almost hear a loud sigh of relief.
Acting defensively, on the other hand, can also be equally reinforcing. The fearful dog often relies on this strategy when hes blocked or cornered. The lunging, barking and growling displays most likely cause the person to move away, or even better, leave. The dog feels relief when the person moves away, just as a person scared of mice does if he stomps his feet to scare the mouse away.
Because these behaviors are reinforcing, they are very fast in putting roots and repeating; therefore, soon a behavior pattern is established.
“Shy dogs are usually more afraid of men than women. (Is it their large jaws? Big chests? Deep voices? We’re not really sure, but the tendency is almost universal.)” From “For the Love of a Dog, Understanding Emotion in You and Your Best Friend” by Patricia McConnell.
There are two very powerful methods used both in humans and animals to help dogs conquer their fears. These methods are desensitization and counterconditioning. In desensitization, the source of fear is presented in a gradual, systematic, less threatening manner. So for instance, in the case of people scared of flying, they are exposed to a simulator so they can get used to airplane noises and learn relaxation techniques and better ways to cope with their fears.
In counterconditioning, positive associations are formed so that the fearful person associates them with the source of their fear, and their emotions about it can be changed. People scared of flying are often encouraged to bring along their favorite snacks on board, a great book or to start an interesting conversation with the person seated next to them.
When both methods are used in synergy, powerful results can be attained. Through desensitization, you get a good boost of confidence as you conquer your fears little steps at a time. At the same time, since the threat appears less threatening, you are better able to cognitively function so youre more open to learning coping skills and relaxation techniques. With counterconditioning, positive associations are made. So lets see now how these methods can be applied to dogs afraid of men.
You have to then make men appear less threatening to them and always work under their threshold. This means letting them see men from a distance, letting them hear recordings of mens voices, having men move more slowly and so forth. Full exposure to men (flooding) causes setbacks and potentially unsafe situations, dont let that happen!