How do you tell if you are turning into a werewolf?
9 Signs That You Might be a Werewolf
They almost always stand on two legs, as humans do, but on rare occasions run on four. They are sometimes depicted as drooling with wild or ravenous eyes, and usually have long hair along their arms, legs and face. Werewolves are faster, more athletic and stronger than humans.
Numerous studies in Spiritual Psychology … shows that dogs do indeed have souls, and once a dog bonds to a human, its soul attaches to the human’s soul and upon death, goes where the human soul goes. … They imply that animals may have the “breath of life,” but not an immortal soul in the same sense as man’s.
While I certainly appreciate receiving event invitations from many of you to your improv-comedy shows and poetry readings and Wednesday-night d.j. events, please note that I’m staying in my remote cabin in Vermont indefinitely and am unable to attend. Oh, and also, I’m now a dog, a fact none of you seems to be picking up on.
I’m sorry about that last message. I’m finding it harder to control my temper than it used to be, back when I was a human. (Reminder for those who forgot: I’ve turned into a dog and am imprisoned within my remote Vermont cabin.) My food supply has run out, and I’ve been forced to hunt down and eat the mice in the basement. It’s not so bad here, really. I spend my four waking hours a day reading the larger-font books that I’m able to turn the pages of and surfing the Web (trying to do more of the former, less of the latter!). Also, a lot of humping furniture. I’m getting used to the idea of living out the rest of my life like this. If anyone wants to visit, he’s welcome to—we can just hang out and play fetch, and I won’t hump you or force you to bring me to scientists to help to turn me back into a human or anything.
Really interesting article on income inequality in the U.S. over the decades. This has nothing to do with me now being a dog, by the way; I just thought you should all read it.
O.K., I totally understand your reactions—ha ha, Gary, what a joker, pretending to have metamorphosed into a dog and using Facebook to alert everyone. But this is serious. I’m actually a dog right now, and have been for the past seventy-two hours. My eyesight is really poor, so it’s hard to make myself out in the oven door, but for anyone who’s interested, I think I’m an English cocker spaniel. No one seems to believe me, let alone be offering help, and I’m getting worried that I’ll eventually starve to death here, still trapped in my new canine body. Again, directions are below to the cabin where, it goes without saying, I’m incapable of opening the front door.
It’s been a while since you’ve all heard from me because I’ve been busy with a creative project: a screenplay about my sudden transformation from a person into—you guessed it—a dog. Mentally outlining it took only a week, but typing it up with my paws consumed five months. I’m over-the-moon thrilled to announce that I landed a film agent, via e-mail, who has sold my script, “An Unexpected Tail,” to Disney, as an animated feature. Matt Damon is attached to voice the role of Gary, the affable, remote-cabin-confined Everydog whose pleas for help about his metamorphosis go callously unheeded by his supposed human friends. I’m currently stuck in rewrite hell, and so that I can meet deadlines for deliverables, I’m deactivating my Facebook account. If you want to reach me, you can do so by e-mail, or by sending old-fashioned snail mail to the address where I remain captive—permanently, it seems—as a human trapped inside the body of a goddam dog.
IN BRIEF:
No big wuff: Japanese man transforms into a dog