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I never considered myself a dog person until Christmas 2010. My family welcomed our very first dog into our home, Diva (yes, you’re allowed to laugh at her name – sorry mom!) and the funny thing is, she’s a big, clumsy, *drooly* Boxer/American Bulldog, and the furthest thing from a diva. I loved her immediately and she quickly made her way to a special place in my heart. She led to my appreciation and deep love for dogs – for their individual, quirky and amusing personalities, and their ability to connect with humans, while giving us their pure, unconditional love, no matter what. I had no doubt in my mind that one day I’d have my own.
That day came around sooner than Id anticipated, after spring 2020 permanently altered the routines and familiarity of everyday life. Within the first months of lockdown I transitioned to working remote, ended a relationship, and found myself with a lot more free time and alone time than I was used to or comfortable with. I, as most people did, fell into a slump of helplessness and depression, often going days without leaving the house, even for a mental health walk.
Prior to the pandemic I had just moved to an apartment that was walking distance to Piedmont Park in Atlanta, and shortly after lockdown restrictions were implemented I began imagining what it would be like to have a dog to take on long walks during the day – along the beltline, to the park and back. I also realized it probably couldn’t hurt to get in more daily steps than the average few I’d take between my desk and the kitchen, and I don’t know, maybe get outside for some fresh air and sunlight on the face every now and then. The idea of a little companion by my side throughout the day during a time when socializing took place solely through screens and each day creeped by, blending seamlessly into the next, was getting more compelling. A companion that would love me unconditionally and give me a purpose to get up in the morning when the world felt heavy and uncertain; depleted of any previous semblance of real connection.
After weeks and weeks of daydreaming, I decided I was ready to turn these thoughts into reality. I had done far too much research on puppies, read too many advice columns for first time puppy owners, and had too many puppy toys and treats in several online carts to turn back. I was in deep. In November I had finalized my decision, and by January I had my very first puppy, Rue, sitting on my lap in the car on the way to her forever home. I remember January 2 and its rollercoaster of emotions like it was yesterday. I remember the pit of anxiousness and excitement in my stomach as we pulled up the driveway, and the feeling of “oh shit, what did I just do?” as I was handed this tiny eight-week-old animal. It really set in that my life was about to change. In the blink of an eye, I had become the most important living being in this little animal’s life – a responsibility unlike anything I had ever known before. Voices of doubt crept in right around the time she started fidgeting in my lap. “You’re not ready for this commitment, you can hardly take care of yourself!” “Look at her, she must be fidgeting because she doesn’t like you!” Looking back, I definitely could’ve been just a tiny bit easier on myself.
As soon as we got home all my nerves flew out the window and helicopter mom mode took over in full force. There was no time to sit there and worry about nonsense; I had an adorable new puppy to protect, play with, and stare at for hours. My mom, sister, and roommate, Courtney had been part of the whole journey and joined me in gushing over her every move for the rest of the first day. From then on she was *my Rue*, and boy was I excited for the start of our life together.
The first few months with her felt like I really was a new mother – waking up every two hours of the night to crying and doing whatever I could to be there for her. The sleep deprivation was REAL. I still remember one afternoon when my mom came over to watch Rue just so I could catch up on sleep for a few hours. Many long nights, early mornings, and accident clean-ups later, I finally felt like I was getting the hang of the whole dog mom thing.
By the time restaurants and businesses started to re-open, Rue was old enough to go out in the world. Family, friends, and complete strangers were absolutely besotted by her. I was amazed by how much joy her presence brought people, and by how quickly a stranger’s stern expression would immediately soften into a warm smile as soon as they saw her trotting along on her merry way. We finally had established our routine and I was waking up every morning with purpose again. Through learning to take care of her I was relearning to take care of myself. I began to journal again during my rare moments of alone time while she napped, which did wonders for my mental health. Not only was I writing again, but I was more active and overall just generally happier – in every aspect of my life.
Reflecting on my first year with Rue, my life changed for the better. I grew and matured as I took on more responsibilities, and I learned how to take care of something other than myself. I couldn’t just bop around and do whatever I wanted nilly-willy anymore; I had new priorities. Not only have I grown emotionally through this experience, but I also met some of my very best friends because of her. People are generally more friendly when you have a cute puppy, because I mean, who doesn’t love a good puppy cuddle to make their day a little brighter?
Because of Rue I was reminded of how important human connection is to me, especially after going through a period of barely having any. I’d typically consider myself an omnivert, having qualities of both introverts and extroverts – with a tendency to be a bit shy and reserved when first meeting someone. Thanks to Rue and her magnetic pull of strangers, I learned to push past social anxieties and have meaningful conversations with all kinds of people again. I have to say, conversations with fellow dog owners at the park really are some of the sweetest, most wholesome conversations there are. I even met one of my best friends at the dog park, a neighbor in my old apartment complex who I probably wouldn’t have crossed paths with otherwise. Having Rue by my side in social settings has been like having my own personal little ice breaker – people are quicker to chat and let their guards down around her and the conversations just flow naturally.
Over the past year I’ve had my fair share of defeating moments and meltdowns (…and FOMO when having to leave functions early…I can’t lie), but every single tear shed and ounce of frustration has been more than worth it. More than anything, being a single, first-time dog owner has been rewarding. Despite the initial thoughts of incapability and doubt, I pushed through and proved to myself that I’m more than capable of raising a puppy singlehandedly on my own, and that Rue and I are beyond lucky to have each other. Through this I was reminded of the fundamental truth that should be applied to every aspect of my life – that I’m deserving of good things and can succeed in anything as long as I believe in myself.
Rue has been there for me through all the peaks and low points of the past year. She’s always there to offer cuddles and emotional support on the days I need it most, and she’s drastically improved my quality of life as my constant source of happiness, love, and of course, entertainment. I could’ve never predicted just how much love I’d have for her, which will only continue to grow throughout the rest of our lives together. If you’ve ever been a first-time pet parent – no matter what kind, dog, cat, horse, you name it – be proud of yourself for making it through the challenging days and cherish every single moment you have with them. Don’t feel ashamed for clogging your camera roll with 349384728 photos of them sitting in the same spot because trust me, I’m right there with you. Finally, find peace and comfort in knowing that no matter what, you’ll always share a mutual unconditional love; that you’re bonded forever – and that to me, is one of the biggest blessings we have in this world.
A relationship breakdown can be one of the most stressful events you can encounter in your lifetime, as found in standard ‘stressful life events’ lists such as the Holmes-Rahe Stress Inventory. If you are experiencing anxiety or depression, or you are simply stressed about matters pertaining to your breakup, you may wonder if adopting a dog can be of aid. Study after study has shown that having pets can significantly improve one’s mental health. One Ohio State University study, for instance, found that stressful situations can somehow seem more bearable when one has a loving pet around. Pets provide companionship, unconditional love, and boundless entertainment, yet it is important to weight up the pros and cons of pet ownership to see if a dog will fit in well with your current lifestyle.
Your dog will require one or two good, long walks a day so ask yourself if you have the energy to get up a little earlier and take a second (or even third) walk when you get home from work. Dogs that are sedentary can become obese or display negative behaviors, since exercise is a key component of their physical and mental health and wellbeing. Your dog will also need grooming (nail, hair and teeth cleanings), socialization with other dogs, and regular visits to the veterinarian.
One of the hardest things about a breakup for some people is missing the companionship that their ex offered. Some obsess over romantic reconciliation and put all their energies into ruminating over what could have been, or strategizing in order to win their ex back. Some even fall prey to so-called experts promising to help them achieve this aim, as unrealistic as it is in some cases. Most psychologists recommend that people who have just broken up with their partner should begin with a no-contact period, taking the time to work on themselves before even considering romance. During this time, caring for a dog is an excellent mindfulness pursuit that can help battle stress and anxiety, provide opportunities for exercise (and meeting new people at the park), and provide one with daily responsibilities. Pet owners exercise more, socialize more, and sleep better. They are absent from work less, pay their doctor fewer visits, and are less lonely.
Before heading out to adopt a dog, research into the costs involved so you know from the outset whether or not you have the budget to become a dog owner. The average monthly cost of owning a dog starts at around $125, reports The Spruce Pets, though the first year of pet ownership is always more expensive because of costs such as neutering, vaccinations, and the like. Of course, if you adopt an adult or senior dog, then your first year will cost less than if you were to adopt a puppy. Expenses include food, yearly vaccinations, treatments for illness, and grooming products.
Dogs can boost human health and happiness in many ways. Before adopting a dog, it is important to conduct research into the costs and time involved in dog ownership. If you can meet these obligations without a problem, then inviting a new pup into your home can be a wonderful way to heal your body, mind and soul. It can also encourage you to stay active and meet others – two factors that can be key when you are rebuilding your life.
But while much of that may seem overwhelming, Rosenfeld feels that having a dog can greatly benefit a single’s life. “We live in a tough world: The economy is tough, work is tough, but dogs are a source of unending, unconditional love in a world that isn’t always so nice.”
Though Bella has since passed, Rosenfeld now enjoys spending time with her rescued Labrador Retriever Ranger. You can read more about her rescue efforts at her blog, LoveThyDog.com
Singles have a particularly unique challenge as the sole caretakers of their pets. Therefore, she encourages potential owners to seriously think about what they will be getting themselves into by thoroughly researching a breed and considering the financial obligations and the emotional energy they are willing to extend. The book covers everything from finding a dog, training and vet visits to diet and exercise, building a bond and traveling.
But most of all, Rosenfeld believes that being a single dog owner encourages personal growth. Her own dog taught her a lot about being responsible.
Betsy Rosenfeld knows a thing or two about being a single dog owner. Her Labrador Retriever mix Bella lived with her in four cities, through five boyfriends and plenty of adventures. So when it came time for Rosenfeld to give advice to all the single ladies – and men – in her new book, “The Complete Single’s Guide to Being a Dog Owner,” she had plenty of inspiration.
OWNING A DOG | Things to Know Before Getting a Puppy! | Doctor Mike
Something happens whenever Aaron Morrill takes his large and fluffy mutt, Donut, for her daily walk, and it’s something that always catches him a bit by surprise.
They flock to Donut — “a particularly cute dog,” he says — and he often finds himself surrounded by a gaggle of young women who want to know how old she is (4), if he raised her from a puppy (yes) and if they can pet her (sure).
“They see you with a dog and all their defenses go down,” said Mr. Morrill, 59, a businessman in Jersey City, N.J. “They assume you must be a decent human being. How could you have a dog and be a bad person?”
The phenomenon isn’t unique to Mr. Morrill and Donut. People with dogs are often perceived to be more approachable, happier and more empathetic, research shows. The presence of a dog can also serve as an indication a man is nurturing and capable of caregiving, said Dr. Helen Fisher, a senior research fellow at the Kinsey Institute and a chief adviser to Match.com. And that, she said, is a powerful mating signal.
“Having a dog really says something about you,” said Dr. Fisher. “It says you can care for a creature, that you can follow a schedule and get home to feed it, that you can walk it and love it and spend time with it.”
It’s a signal that the man may make not only a good friend but a good parent, she said.
“That’s the bottom line message that women get when they see a man with a dog: He’s capable of nurturing, of giving without receiving a lot, of caring for another. He’s made a commitment to this animal,” Dr. Fisher said. “And one thing women have needed for years and years is a partner who could share the load, be responsible, care for them if they’re sick and show up on time.” (Just for the record, Mr. Morrill is happily married and not in the market for a relationship).
Gay men and women with pets can communicate the same character traits to potential mates, who will evaluate and appreciate them in a similar manner, said Daniel J. Kruger, a research professor at the University of Michigan in Ann Arbor who studies human mating strategies. “The kind of benefits you see in terms of increasing the perception that someone is reliable and caring — I think those are generalized across everybody,” he said.
There’s ample research to demonstrate that the messages sent by dog ownership influences others’ judgment and behavior.
One study that asked volunteers to rate people based on photographs found that they ranked someone as happier, safer and more relaxed when they appeared with a dog.
In another series of experiments, men had more luck getting a woman’s phone number if they had a dog with them, and both men and women had more luck panhandling when they had a dog with them.
Another study found that when women heard vignettes about men who acted like “cads” who were uninterested in a long-term commitment, they rated the men more highly if they owned a dog.
For single people who own pets — and more and more young singles do — pet ownership may even make or break a relationship, according to a 2015 survey that Dr. Fisher and her colleagues conducted among more than 1,200 Match.com pet-owning subscribers. Among the findings:
■ Nearly one-third of respondents said they had been “more attracted to someone” because they had a pet.
■ More than half said they would find someone more attractive if they knew he or she had adopted a pet.
■ Most respondents said they thought their date’s choice in pets said a lot about their personality.
Women tended to have stronger opinions on many of these matters than men, the Match.com survey also found.
“Women are generally more discerning than men about their mate choices,” said Peter B. Gray, an anthropologist who was the lead author of the survey report. “They want to know if this person is a good fit, and this may be one way to assess whether someone is telling the truth and is the right fit in a large, anonymous society.”
Another interesting finding from the Match.com survey was that roughly two-thirds of respondents over all said they would judge their date based on how he or she responded to their own pet. “That people might let a cat or a dog influence the most important close relationship in their life — that’s phenomenal,” said Justin Garcia, an associate professor of gender studies at the Kinsey Institute, who is also a scientific adviser to Match.com and a co-author on the paper.
But as more young adults postpone marriage and children and remain single for longer, he said, they may view their pets as one of the more stable and long-lasting aspects of their life.
Whether dog owners truly are more empathetic and nurturing than those who don’t own pets is harder to ascertain. In a series of studies, two Canadian researchers, Anika Cloutier and Johanna Peetz, showed that pet owners certainly believed their pets had a positive effect on their romantic relationships. They also found a correlation between pet ownership and higher relationship satisfaction.
Ms. Cloutier acknowledged that it’s hard to know what comes first, the dog or the personality traits that make someone likely to commit to a relationship, and that the links could reflect reverse causality. “It could be that couples who are more committed and already feel very positively about their relationship are those that decide to invest in the relationship to the pet,” she said.
And beware the cynics who might misuse this information. Frat houses have for years used the trick of adopting baby animals, from puppies to baby chicks to kid goats, to draw visitors. Men or women could similarly “borrow” a friend’s dog for an afternoon walk to lure potential mates.
But ultimately, Dr. Fisher comes down on the side of pet owners, who must devote a lot of time to their animals. In a world full of messages, not all of them necessarily honest, she said, dog ownership is generally “a real honest message.”