“When couples do separate, it’s often a positive if there’s been any sort of verbal or physical abuse pets witness, like kids, that can cause some stress and anxiety,” Mornement explained.
Divorce can affect our personal lives as well as the lives of our pets, reveals animal behaviourist Kate Mornement.
Wag the Dog offers helpful tips and advice to owners who find themselves in these situations, including keeping your dog’s (or pets in general) schedule as normal as possible, making sure that you are extra-attentive and giving the dog a lot of love to make them feel safe. And if you are allowing the other owner to visit the pet, ensure that it’s a positive experience — don’t shout or argue in front of your pet.
Mornement’s earlier comments are echoed by Flinders University Ph.D. student Zoei Sutton, who revealed how owners tend to think of the pets as a source of comfort, without taking their needs into account.
Plus, the site notes that if you see your pet exhibiting signs of depression, it’s important to take them to the vet.
Whether it’s a death in the family, a child leaving home, or a divorce, your dog will notice that one of his “pack” members is missing. Learn to help him deal with his grief.
Grief has many forms, and can arise from many situations besides the death of a loved one. A relationship breakup, a child leaving home, even a prolonged business trip or hospital stay are all examples of family changes that can cause feelings of loss and grief in those remaining at home. That grief can be felt even more keenly by your dog, who doesn’t understand where the missing person is and when or even if s/he will be back.
My own dog became extremely sad when my husband left for an extended trip. Every time I sat down, he jumped in my lap (no small task since he weighs 50 pounds), lay his head on my arm and sighed pathetically. He poked around the house with his head drooping like a deflated balloon.
I asked veterinary behaviorist Dr. Nicholas Dodman about my dog’s behavior. “Dogs can get into a funk or lose interest in life because of separation,” he told me, adding that even short absences can cause changes in behavior. “For instance, if a man goes out to play a game of golf for five hours, the dog will feel temporary loss, but will be relieved when the owner returns.
“With long term separation or loss, dogs suffer bereavement and get depressed, not unlike humans,” Dr. Dodman adds. “Dogs have a difficult time adjusting to an owner or family member being removed from the household. This is especially the case if the person is someone to whom the dog is close — for example, a dog sleeps in someone’s room and then suddenly that person is out of the picture. The dog can’t understand why that person has disappeared.”
Dogs need routine and consistency in their lives, and divorce can completely disrupt your dogs accepted way of life. If one person retains sole custody of the dog, the dog may have to adjust to a new schedule for feeding, walking and alone time. If you share custody with your ex, then the dogs schedule could change every week. Try to maintain as much consistency in your dogs routine as possible, even if it means coordinating his schedule with your ex.
The stress of a divorce — whether its actively being pursued or simply on the horizon — takes its toll on a dog. Dogs are highly attuned to emotion and mood, so when youre anxious, depressed or angry, your little buddy knows it. If a breakup or divorce is marked by arguments, fighting and high tension, your dog may start to feel negative emotions, as well. He may become frightened, anxious or depressed if the mood in your household doesnt improve.
Your dog could lose more than an owner in the divorce — he could lose a brother or sister. If you share more than one animal and split them up in the divorce, the loss of a companion can be devastating to a dog. The emotional stress of losing his friend can leave your dog depressed or uneasy, because he doesnt understand the nature of the split-up — only that he doesnt have his best buddy around anymore, and now hes lonely.
Moving is difficult for a dog even when the whole family moves together. If you and your dog move and leave a co-owner behind, your dog may be confused and anxious. His new environment and loss of an owner may leave him with a condition like separation anxiety — after losing one of his people, he could be afraid of losing you, too, as well as being left alone in his strange new environment.
Helping your dog deal with family separation and divorce
Divorce can affect our personal lives as well as the lives of our pets, reveals animal behaviourist Kate Mornement.
Animals are often emotionally affected when a couple parts ways and can suffer from separation anxiety and depression. Speaking to ABC News, Mornement said, “I do see quite a few cases of pets with behaviour problems following separation or divorce… most commonly separation anxiety in dogs.”
She added, “Any big disruption to their normal routine or breaking of attachment bonds affects them a lot.”
However, much like when children witness their parents screaming and banging doors, pets are also left saddened by this behaviour, and for this reason a divorce could have a positive outcome for some pets.
“When couples do separate, it’s often a positive if there’s been any sort of verbal or physical abuse pets witness, like kids, that can cause some stress and anxiety,” Mornement explained.
Australia’s Animal Adoption Agency has also urged couples to think of their pets during their divorce, as they have witnessed the effects it has had on animals, many of whom have been abandoned because of a breakup.
At least 60 percent of current dogs looking for homes at Animal Adoption Agency are the result of a broken home. “One in four marriages ends in divorce,” Lee Amiti from Animal Adoption Agency said on the site. “Many times there is more than one pet in the effected [sic] household…it’s very sad but true”.
Mornement’s earlier comments are echoed by Flinders University Ph.D. student Zoei Sutton, who revealed how owners tend to think of the pets as a source of comfort, without taking their needs into account.
“Pets are often kept with the children, as they are seen to provide a sense of ontological security to lessen the damage of separation on kids, however, this then can mean pets are shuttled between houses with kids rather than allowed to settle in one residence or can be left with the person not necessarily best suited to care for the animal,” Sutton told the outlet.
So, how do you take the necessary steps to ensure your pet’s happiness and well-being following a divorce?
Wag the Dog offers helpful tips and advice to owners who find themselves in these situations, including keeping your dog’s (or pets in general) schedule as normal as possible, making sure that you are extra-attentive and giving the dog a lot of love to make them feel safe. And if you are allowing the other owner to visit the pet, ensure that it’s a positive experience — don’t shout or argue in front of your pet.
Plus, the site notes that if you see your pet exhibiting signs of depression, it’s important to take them to the vet.
Business Insider also offers a comprehensive list on how to share your pet with your ex — without ripping out each other’s eyes. This list includes splitting the costs for your pet into two categories, basic and extraordinary, and establishing the rightful owner and understanding the custody agreement as well as deciding in advance how to handle your pet’s medical care if something were to go wrong.