Clubs Offering:
You feed your dog. You take them for a walk first thing in the morning and before you go to sleep each night. You’re responsible for grooming and taking them to the veterinarian for shots and check-ups. In fact, you can safely say that you are not just your dog’s primary caretaker, but also their trainer and disciplinarian. So why does it seem like they love your partner just a little bit — or maybe even a whole lot — more?
Sometimes, a seemingly unwarranted affection between a dog and a person is simply a meeting of the minds.
“Being mammals, dogs are born with temperaments,” says Dr. Joel Gavriele-Gold, licensed clinical psychologist and author of When Pets Come Between Partners: How to Keep Love and Romance in the Human-Animal Kingdom of Your House. “If a couple gets a dog, you may find that there’s a wired-in attraction to the one partner who has a similar temperament as the dog, whether that be laidback, hyper, or in-between.”
Dr. Gavriele-Gold notes that he’s seen this quite frequently. If you think about it, it’s no more or less unusual than a couple meeting, say, a yoga instructor. For instance, one partner may click with their character and turn into a devotee. The other, conversely, may feel more ambivalent and stop going to class. This is not a cause for jealousy, Dr. Gavriele-Gold says.
“Jealousy is about wishing for control over another person,” he insists.
Instead, be grateful that you found a dog that meshes so well with at least one of you. Look for ways to participate or engage by examining your own attributes honestly.
“Dogs are smart,” says Dr. Gavriele-Gold. “The more I tune in to some of the scientific findings, the more incredible I find it.”
Indeed, your canine has a clear sense of good cop and bad cop. Dogs can learn who’s the dutiful parent who says “no” for their own good, and who’s the fun one who lets them break the rules. There’s a good chance your pup will want to snuggle up to the one who allows them to jump on the soft, warm couch, rather than the one who makes them lie down on the vet’s cold table. Like children, dogs are manipulative in this way. Sometimes, they make you feel like they’re punishing you for your influence over their lives, by preferring someone else.
As with children, don’t let this little game bother you. Win the dog over with the three A’s: affection, attention, and positive associations. Create special moments through things like playtime, massages, and treats.
Dogs are not only intelligent beings, they’re emotional ones as well. Because they experience happiness and sadness, they also have empathy. It also means a dog’s allegiance can change over time. If a couple separates, Dr. Gavriele-Gold affirms, the dog could wind up picking sides.
“They’re both cute and astute,” says Dr. Gavriele-Gold. “They operate on what’s going on in the atmosphere and inside of us. When one person falls out of love, the dog feels the difference and picks up on it. It might move closer to the person leaving, or stay with the person being left.”
The problem here, of course, is that couples may fight in court for custody over a dog based on its perceived preference. Since dogs can and do change loyalties, even if it’s not always immediately, judges usually rule for familiarity. This often involves leaving the dog where it has lived or been raised, rather than taking it out of a comfortable environment.
In some cases, both partners in a couple walk and feed the dog equally, yet the dog still prefers one partner over the other. Often, this is simply a case of access, or lack of it. If one person spends more time at home with the dog, naturally the dog will want to see and spend time with the other partner, too.
When the absent partner rewards that behavior by handing out treats upon return, reinforcement and hardwiring occurs. Still, warns Dr. Gavriele-Gold, don’t confuse a delighted “welcome home!” routine with true preference.
Finally, dogs have notoriously good senses of smell. They can and do develop antipathies to people based on their odors. Dr. Gavriele-Gold says that he has patients who have particular, adverse aromas – sweat, alcohol, and other unsavory scents – that his own Bouviers react to negatively. So, it’s possible that a family dog could develop an aversion to one partner based on an unpleasant odor.
On the other hand, a partner who smells delightful to a dog — whether it’s because of pheromones, food, or other animals — has an excellent chance of being loved unconditionally. But, you don’t have to wear hamburger perfume just to get the dog on your good side. The fragrance of fond friendliness usually does the trick.
‘No Bones About It’ is a monthly relationship column about the ways dogs impact human connections. Dr. Gavriele-Gold’s latest book on dog-human relationships, When Pets Come Between Partners, is now available on Amazon. He also hosts a monthly “Comfort Conversation” on grief on the AKC Pet Loss Support Group on Facebook. https://www.akc.org/wp-admin/admin-ajax.php Get Your Free AKC eBook
Who they socialize with early is a big factor
For dogs, their key socialization period is from birth to six months. Puppy brains are very receptive at this age, so the social experiences they have as puppies influence them for the rest of their lives. It’s important for puppies to have a wide variety of positive interactions with a wide variety of people, places, and things.
If, for example, you adopted your dog at an older age and they were raised by a single female for the first six months of their lives, they may be much more comfortable around women and may have a difficult time bonding with men since they weren’t introduced to them at a young enough age. That could influence who they bond with as an adult.
It’s never too late to start socializing your dog. The more experiences they have and the more people they meet, the easier it should be for them to warm up to others in the future.
This is an easy one. Dogs tend to bond with the people they spend the most time with. It’s the same way for humans. The more time we spend with someone, the more comfortable with them we’ll be. To take this a step further, dogs especially make connections when the people they spend time with give them lots of love and attention. That could relate to the person that’s home the most, or it could be the person most likely to snuggle with the dog on the couch Two months after we adopted Copper, my husband went on a five-month-long work trip. I work from home, so it was literally me and Copper together 24/7 with no one else around. He was a crazy beast back then, and I was the one that ran with him twice a day, trained him multiple times a day, and filled his food bowl. By the time my husband came back, he really didn’t have a chance. I was Copper’s whole world. Another thing to mention here is that it isn’t just about how much time a person spends with a dog. It’s also about the quality of that time. You can sit at home with your dog all day but never pay attention to them. But if you engage in one-on-one playtime and spend time cuddling your dog with no phone, TV, or other distractions, trust me, your dog will know the difference.
This somewhat reverts back to what we talked about above, but it’s worth repeating. All dogs are furry bundles of unconditional love. They’re capable of being our absolute best friends, but that bond is harder to achieve with some dogs than with others. Sometimes it’s the characteristics of a dog’s breed that can hold them back from forming a super strong bond, and other times it’s a facet of their personality. But even if your dog isn’t the Velcro type that lives and breathes for human attention, they can still have a favorite person. They might not make it as obvious as Copper does, but they can still feel more comfortable with one person over everyone else. The real key when it comes to how dogs choose their favorite humans has to do with the kind of effort the human is willing to put in. If you consistently show your dog that you love them in their own language, there’s a good chance they’ll eventually respond. They really do take note of which humans are always willing to grab the other end of a tug toy and which humans would rather hold their phones than offer up an ear scratch. If you are your dog’s favorite person, yay for you!! It really is the best. But even if you’re not, bonding with a dog never happens over night. It took Copper months to work up his feelings for me. Keep giving your dog your unyielding love and attention (while respecting their feelings and space), and see what happens. You just might end up being their favorite person ever.
In my house, my dog Copper has always made it clear that I’m his person. Sure, he loves my husband. But he LOVES me with a capital L. If Copper and my husband are cuddling on the couch and I sit down, Copper will get up, leave my husband, and situate his 65 pounds in my lap. When my husband and I walk in the house after being gone for a few hours, Copper will run right past him to get to me. Copper’s unfailing affection toward me is thanks to a couple things. And if your dog has chosen you as their favorite–or even if they’ve chosen someone else–you’ll relate to these key factors that go into how a dog picks their person.
Another factor that goes in to how dogs choose their favorite humans is personality. As a human yourself, you know that you aren’t going to be best friends with everyone you meet. People (and dogs) are all different, and our closest friends tend to be people that we can easily relate to. Of course, there will always be exceptions, but have you ever met a dog that has the same personality as their human? An active, high-energy dog is more likely to bond with an equally active person than they are with someone who prefers a quieter lifestyle. The same goes for dogs that are more cautious or reserved. A loud, boisterous person will probably freak them out, so they gravitate toward people that match their own energy.
No matter what kind of dog you have, socialization is a huge part of their upbringing. And it also has a lot to do with how they choose their favorite humans. Dogs do a lot of learning between the time they’re born up until they’re around six months old. This is the time when their brains are especially receptive to new experiences. What they experience during this time frame can end up seriously impacting their entire lives. Behaviorist believe that this prime time for socialization can play a role in whom a dog connects with later in life. If a three-month-old puppy has a negative experience with a man, for example, it’ll be hard for them to bond with that man, or anyone who reminds them of that man, later in life. It’s the same the other way around. If a puppy has an amazing experience with someone during that tender age range, that feeling will stick with them and affect who they bond with later.
How Your Dog Chooses His Favorite Person
There are few things better than when your dog walks into a room full of people and heads straight for your lap. It’s like those other people don’t even exist, and your dog only has eyes for you. Your bond is so strong that you know without a doubt that you are your dog’s favorite human. This kind of strong bond doesn’t happen with every dog you meet, or even every dog you live with. But when a dog picks you, it’s an incredible feeling.
In my house, my dog Copper has always made it clear that I’m his person. Sure, he loves my husband. But he LOVES me with a capital L. If Copper and my husband are cuddling on the couch and I sit down, Copper will get up, leave my husband, and situate his 65 pounds in my lap. When my husband and I walk in the house after being gone for a few hours, Copper will run right past him to get to me. Copper’s unfailing affection toward me is thanks to a couple things. And if your dog has chosen you as their favorite–or even if they’ve chosen someone else–you’ll relate to these key factors that go into how a dog picks their person.
This is an easy one. Dogs tend to bond with the people they spend the most time with. It’s the same way for humans. The more time we spend with someone, the more comfortable with them we’ll be. To take this a step further, dogs especially make connections when the people they spend time with give them lots of love and attention. That could relate to the person that’s home the most, or it could be the person most likely to snuggle with the dog on the couch Two months after we adopted Copper, my husband went on a five-month-long work trip. I work from home, so it was literally me and Copper together 24/7 with no one else around. He was a crazy beast back then, and I was the one that ran with him twice a day, trained him multiple times a day, and filled his food bowl. By the time my husband came back, he really didn’t have a chance. I was Copper’s whole world. Another thing to mention here is that it isn’t just about how much time a person spends with a dog. It’s also about the quality of that time. You can sit at home with your dog all day but never pay attention to them. But if you engage in one-on-one playtime and spend time cuddling your dog with no phone, TV, or other distractions, trust me, your dog will know the difference.
Another factor that goes in to how dogs choose their favorite humans is personality. As a human yourself, you know that you aren’t going to be best friends with everyone you meet. People (and dogs) are all different, and our closest friends tend to be people that we can easily relate to. Of course, there will always be exceptions, but have you ever met a dog that has the same personality as their human? An active, high-energy dog is more likely to bond with an equally active person than they are with someone who prefers a quieter lifestyle. The same goes for dogs that are more cautious or reserved. A loud, boisterous person will probably freak them out, so they gravitate toward people that match their own energy.
No matter what kind of dog you have, socialization is a huge part of their upbringing. And it also has a lot to do with how they choose their favorite humans. Dogs do a lot of learning between the time they’re born up until they’re around six months old. This is the time when their brains are especially receptive to new experiences. What they experience during this time frame can end up seriously impacting their entire lives. Behaviorist believe that this prime time for socialization can play a role in whom a dog connects with later in life. If a three-month-old puppy has a negative experience with a man, for example, it’ll be hard for them to bond with that man, or anyone who reminds them of that man, later in life. It’s the same the other way around. If a puppy has an amazing experience with someone during that tender age range, that feeling will stick with them and affect who they bond with later.