Do dogs reject their puppies if you touch them?
“There is a long-standing myth that touching newborn animals will cause their mothers to reject them. This is almost never true, and puppies are no exception. In fact, family dogs are often very tolerant of their favorite humans touching their babies.”
It was then that I realized it wasn’t just me.
I guess some of these feelings are a natural part of our maternal instinct to only have eyes for our babies. (The hormones, sleep deprivation and general feelings of being overwhelmed don’t help either.)
It has now been 6 years and during that time another tiny human has joined our pack. Through it all, my dog has been there. Over time, I learned how to better balance the responsibilities of being a mom to both my children and my canine dependent, and the weight of the perceived burden lessened. I have watched my children grow to love her as my husband and I do, and it’s a beautiful thing.
Don’t get me wrong; I get the appeal of dogs. They can be someone’s best friend. They fill an emotional void with genuine unconditional love. As companions, they’re loyal, obedient and kind. They can even help those with a medical impairment. I think that’s amazing and I respect it — from a very far, very necessary distance. This respect now needs to come from both ends. I’ll respect the woof if you respect my opinion.
After owning her for two years, I realized the undeniable: Most dogs are dirty and smelly. You can literally smell when someone owns a furry creature. Maintenance of their hygiene requires time and money that I do not have. On top of that, dogs never leave you alone. Maybe it’s my inner introvert talking, but I don’t want to come home to a dog sticking its nose in my business and begging for attention. I want peace, quiet and solitude.
One time on a first date (after listening to 20 minutes of stories about his little Brewster’s obedience class updates), a guy got very serious with me as he whispered, “You just can’t trust a dog hater.” I sipped my drink with a smirk and quipped, “But what if they like doggy style?” He nearly choked. I didn’t see him again.
Instead of adoration, I felt excessive apathy. I didn’t care for Romy at all. Hearing her aggressive howl mid-morning to be taken outside for a walk didn’t exactly motivate me to feel love and affection. Standing outside in the freezing cold every morning with a doggie bag in my hand while awaiting some fresh, warm animal poo didn’t give me a rush of excitement that an owner might feel. Quite frankly, Romy needed way too much attention, which I simply did not have enough to give. I was — and am — in a state of my life in which I would rather interact with real humans than play fetch with furry neighbors at the dog park. Romy required way too much work, and she stripped me of my independence.
One of the things that makes humanity so beautiful is the difference in opinions and backgrounds amongst people everywhere. Do we not believe in diversity anymore? Dog haters are the rare group that isn’t encouraged to embrace its “difference.” Instead, the entire collective is deemed appalling.
Dads Who Didn’t Want Dogs ~ Compilation
Like millions of children over many thousands of years, my brothers and I were raised with pets. Even though we didnt have a full-time maid, pooper scooper service or on-staff feline behaviorist, I cant remember a single time either of my parents expressed hatred for our family pets or found the problems of juggling kids and animals too much to endure.
So whats up with this epidemic of new parents deciding they cant stand their pets anymore? I dont just mean deciding theyre too much work or arent good with kids; I mean hating them. As in this excerpt from an article in Time Magazine: “(T)he moment my child entered my world, there was no more room in it for my dog … this is the hate that dare not speak its name.”
Or this, from an online column entitled “Take my Pets, Please”: “We had been warned that the pets would get the shaft once the baby became the focal point of our existence. What I was not prepared for was the depth of my hatred for beings I once claimed to love, and how quickly the switch happened.”
Dog lovers dont exactly respond with sympathy to parents who not only want to give the boot to the family pets in favor of their new baby, but profess to hate them. New moms and dads get lectures on animal cruelty, dog training and responsible pet ownership, all of which can be summed up as some form of “suck it up.” Your dogs driving you crazy? Is that his fault? Of course not, they say; its yours, for failing to plan or to train or whatever magic preventive or curative approach a particular dog lover favors.
But I think both sides are missing the point. When I wrote about similarly stressed-out families who had to give up their pets because they were losing their homes to a foreclosure, no one I interviewed expressed any kind of blame, resentment or anger toward their dogs and cats. People give up their pets for a variety of reasons good and bad, but turning it into a huge hate-filled psychodrama seems to be a phenomenon exclusive to new parents.
Something else is going on, and I think its this: a lot of people today dont have simple animal sense. They dont know whats natural and normal for a cat or dog, and they dont have an innate awareness of what constitutes healthy, appropriate behavior between humans and companion animals.
Lacking that innate sense, many new dog owners turn their pets into “substitute children” or “practice babies” instead of letting them be what they are: dogs. Im not saying that they “love them too much,” or even that they spoil them. Im saying that the picture they have in their minds of who and what their dogs are is wrong, and thats the real cause of both their dogs behavior problems and the cycle of resentment, anger, and blame that leads to all these hysterical “I hate my dog” screeds.
Now, Ive had pets my entire life, but Ive never had kids of my own. Im also neither a human psychologist nor a dog behaviorist. So I asked Penny Scott-Fox, a British-born single mom, dog trainer and canine behavior expert with a long list of credentials what she thought was behind all this vitriol aimed at dogs by new parents.
“I think that people mollycoddle their dogs too much,” she said bluntly. “Thats why when the baby comes, things go wrong.”
Appalled at the growing number of new parents giving up their pets unnecessarily, Scott-Fox wrote a book about it: “And Baby Makes Four: A Trimester-by-Trimester Guide to a Baby-Friendly Dog” (TFH, 2007). At first glance its simply a highly practical guide for expectant parents on training the family dog to behave appropriately around the new baby. But as every dog trainer knows, its easy to teach a dog to heel, come or sit; teaching a person who lacks animal sense how to appropriately shape his dogs behavior is quite a bit more challenging. “Baby Makes Four” might look like a dog training book for new parents, and it is, but its also an exercise in re-programming how the humans in the family see and interact with their animals.
“I didnt want to let the cat out of the bag and say, Im just manipulating you to do this so that you dont have a meltdown and throw your dog out of the house, but actually thats what Im trying to do,” Scott-Fox admitted.
The problem, she says, goes far beyond a simple training issue. In fact, many of these nervous new “pet parents” are obsessive consumers of dog training services and advice. If anything, their puppy was over-scheduled for canine enrichment activities and didnt get to spend enough time just hanging out and being a family dog.
And therein lies both her diagnosis and prescription: new parents need to let their dogs be dogs.
Many parents react to perfectly normal, harmless canine behavior — even simple curiosity about the new baby — as a dangerous sign of aggression. In her work as an adoption and behavior counselor at the Pasadena Humane Society as well as in her private practice, Scott-Fox has seen it happen again and again. “I had a case like that just this morning,” she told me. “And quite frankly, they simply need to decide to manage it and then it will be fine. The dog doesnt need to go. The dog doesnt need to be euthanized. Its not the end of the world.”
Other parents come completely unhinged when their pets expect or even demand the very things theyve been trained by their owners to expect, like constant attention or immediate response to a desire for food, play or a walk. In “And Baby Makes Four,” Scott-Fox recommends simple steps to change the dogs expectations and behavior, but she also thinks human expectations need to change.
“As long as theres no serious safety issue, we need to realize no dog is going to be perfect, she said.
Perhaps the most valuable thing Scott-Fox gives new parents in her book is permission to say no to their dogs. “Someone will call me and say the dogs are constantly in their face while theyre trying to nurse or deal with the baby, and they dont know what to do,” she said. “I tell them, they dont have to be with you 24/7; why dont you just put them in the kitchen or a crate, and both of you take a little break? There has to be some time when you just take time to look after your baby and not worry about the dogs.”
Scott-Fox even advises parents not to let the dogs sleep in the bedroom, not because shes against the practice in general — her dogs sleep in her bedroom — but because it prevents a whole lot of drama. “When I was pregnant, I was highly emotional and slightly weird,” she said. “I found that its easier to take the dogs out the bedroom, so that if youre having an emotional breakdown that youre not going to affect your relationship with your dog.”
Of course prevention is the best cure, and if you find yourself turning your dog into a “practice baby,” take a step back. Is this a healthy relationship? Is it sustainable?
If its too late for prevention and theres a new baby on the way, pick up Scott-Foxs book and change how you live with your dog. Learn to see him as just that — a dog — and to set the kind of boundaries that will make life better for you both. Dont get trapped in the guilt-resentment-hatred cycle that ends up with the dog in the garage or the shelter and the parents on the Internet explaining that they had no choice.
“And Baby Makes Four: A Trimester-by-Trimester Guide to a Baby-Friendly Dog” by Penny Scott-Fox, DPDT. THF Publications, 2007.
Dogs and Storks, a program that prepares families with dogs for life with a baby.
“Living with Kids and Dogs É Without Losing Your Mind: A Parents Guide to Controlling the Chaos” by Colleen Pelar, DPDT. C&R Publishing, 2005.
“Child-Proofing Your Dog: A Complete Guide to Preparing Your Dog for the Children in your Life” by Brian Kilcommons and Sarah Wilson. Warner Books, 1994.
Christie Keith is a contributing editor for Universal Press Syndicates Pet Connection and past director of the Pet Care Forum on America Online. She lives in San Francisco.